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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has always been the comfort zone for daily publications, and writers stay alert of notable bog-related stories and milestones, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to discover that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room rather too directly, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his cap,” stated an official from the local fire department. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame playing for City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college to use the facilities during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down from the England national team post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

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Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|