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Experiencing denial, notably when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. Someone is declining your work, delivering a clear “Not interested.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with rejection. I started proposing manuscripts half a century past, upon completing my studies. Over the years, I have had multiple books rejected, along with book ideas and numerous pieces. In the last 20 years, focusing on op-eds, the rejections have multiplied. Regularly, I face a setback multiple times weekly—adding up to in excess of 100 annually. Overall, denials throughout my life run into thousands. Today, I could claim a PhD in rejection.

However, is this a self-pitying outburst? Not at all. As, finally, at 73 years old, I have accepted rejection.

In What Way Did I Achieve This?

A bit of background: At this point, almost each individual and their distant cousin has rejected me. I haven’t tracked my acceptance statistics—doing so would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: not long ago, a publication rejected 20 articles consecutively before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 book publishers declined my manuscript before someone gave the green light. A few years later, 25 representatives passed on a book pitch. A particular editor requested that I submit my work less frequently.

The Phases of Rejection

In my 20s, every no were painful. I felt attacked. It was not just my writing being rejected, but myself.

No sooner a submission was rejected, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, shock. Why did this occur? How could they be blind to my talent?
• Second, denial. Surely it’s the mistake? Perhaps it’s an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What can any of you know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my work? It’s nonsense and the magazine stinks. I reject your rejection.
• After that, frustration at them, then frustration with me. Why would I do this to myself? Could I be a martyr?
• Fifth, negotiating (preferably mixed with delusion). What does it require you to see me as a unique writer?
• Then, sadness. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

This continued over many years.

Excellent Company

Naturally, I was in fine fellowship. Accounts of writers whose manuscripts was initially declined are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was originally turned down. Since they did overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was cut from his high school basketball team. Most Presidents over the past six decades had previously lost races. Sylvester Stallone claims that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to appear were rejected repeatedly. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and get going, instead of giving up,” he stated.

The Final Phase

Later, upon arriving at my senior age, I achieved the final phase of setback. Acceptance. Today, I more clearly see the multiple factors why an editor says no. To begin with, an publisher may have already featured a like work, or have something in the pipeline, or simply be considering something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my pitch is uninteresting. Or maybe the editor believes I am not qualified or stature to be suitable. Or is no longer in the market for the wares I am peddling. Or was too distracted and reviewed my work hastily to appreciate its quality.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Anything can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Some rationales for rejection are always not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are under your control. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may from time to time be flawed. They may not resonate and impact, or the idea I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe an aspect about my punctuation, especially dashes, was unacceptable.

The key is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have managed to get widely published. I’ve written multiple works—the initial one when I was 51, my second, a personal story, at retirement age—and more than numerous essays. These works have featured in magazines big and little, in local, national and global outlets. My debut commentary ran decades ago—and I have now submitted to many places for five decades.

Still, no bestsellers, no signings at major stores, no spots on talk shows, no speeches, no book awards, no big awards, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can better take no at this stage, because my, small successes have cushioned the stings of my setbacks. I can now be philosophical about it all now.

Instructive Setbacks

Rejection can be educational, but only if you listen to what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will likely just keep seeing denial the wrong way. What insights have I acquired?

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